Summer:  A Time for Reflection

By Jeff Goins

nature
Photo Courtesy of:  www.fla-keys.com/welcome2.htm
    S ummer.  A time to refresh, relax, and wreak havoc.  I hear so many college students discussing what they have lined up for the summer:  jobs, internships, travel plans.  Yet, what are their intentions when embarking on this respite from school?  Most will tell you they badly need a break from the stressful workload, some downtime.  However, many students make the mistake of making their summer just as stressful as their school year.  First, it starts with your average dirt-for-pay job, followed by some “special time” with the family, and then weekend after weekend of mundanely playing catch-up with the old high school gang of friends.  When I began my first summer as a freshly installed college student, I feared that my pattern would resemble that of others.  Fortunately, I caught myself somewhere in the middle of the sunny season, and I took the time to de-stress, to reflect on the person I’d become, and to enjoy the simple pleasures in life .
    Like everyone, I wanted to make something of my summer.  The first couple weeks were full of the usual aforesaid "filler activities," including too much personal time with the parents, too much time on the telephone, and not enough time by myself.  By the beginning of June, I had acquired a maintenance position at Shabbona Lake State Park.  The pay was lousy, but I was afforded an awesome opportunity—to work outdoors without any kind of supervision.  This was a slacker's dream.  Each day, I clocked in at 3:00 p.m., went into the office to receive my list of chores from the park ranger, and went to work.  By 5:00, I was the only employee in the park.  I could usually finish up my random tasks by 7:30 or 8:00, after which I consumed the remainder of the evening with various busywork and pointless activities.  At any rate, I had until 9:30 before I started closing up the park so that the gates were shut by 10:00.   

    Initially, these hours were spent goofing off.  But slowly, I discovered more valuable ways of spending the time.  I started bringing my Bible and reading a few chapters every night.  It didn't seem like much at the time, but by the end of the summer I had conquered the entire New Testament.  Sometimes, I would drive one of the John Deere "Gators" out to the edge of the lake right before dusk to absorb a beautiful sunset.  Other times, I would walk the trails and relish the natural beauty surrounding me.  These were my most precious moments.  There was no one to talk to, so I often had to carry on a conversation with myself.  Out of fear that some wandering chipmunk might think me a loon, I usually conducted these dialogues in my head.  Nonetheless, I was constantly evaluating who I was and who I wanted to be.  Never before in my life did everything seem so real and so connected.
    One night, I was closing the park, and it began to rain.  It was pouring down so heavily that by the time I stepped out to lock the front gates (a procedure lasting about 20 seconds) and returned to the truck, my clothes were soaked.  Waiting for the last car to leave the grounds, I watched the lightning illuminate the sky in a brilliant display of white heat.  I could see it strike somewhere in the park, and my ears rung from the crackling thunder.  The wind tore at weak tree limbs and sent them flying into the “Illinois Department of Natural Resources” logo on the side of the truck.  I sat there in silence, wondering what it would be like to die.  No, I wasn't being morbid, just rationally contemplating my mortality.  I don’t remember being truly scared for losing my life, but it was the first time I seriously considered death as more than just a possibility .  The storm was so horrid that as I was driving home, the speedometer maxed out at around 20 miles per hour due to the hazardous driving conditions.  The next morning, I woke up slightly different.  Each of the following days was a breakthrough in self-discovery; I found I was changing.

thunderstorm
Photo Courtesy of:   www.rainfloweressence.com
    I could tell you about the silly details of my summer:  the girls I dated, the late-night conversations with old friends, or the randomly assembled road trips requiring zero forethought or planning.  Despite their value as good fireside tales, these memories fade in my mind as all things inconsequential.  Yet looking back, I can remember staring up at the starlit sky just before midnight, feeling that huge void surround me.  And for a brief instant, I was more than an observer to the universe.  I was part of it.  I understood.
     There are a great many ways to spend a summer.  My first summer home from Illinois College was one of the most subtly monumental events of my life.  There was no one present to share my experiences; they were mine and mine alone.  And given the chance, I do not think I would have opted for the contrary.  I was surrounded by a blanket of introspection, and nothing brought me closer to a revelation of truth and identity than those few months.  Therefore, I urge you to step outside your own banal activities this summer and search for something greater within yourself.

It is only when we forget all our learning that we begin to know.
--Henry David Thoreau


WEBSITES OF INTEREST

Shabbona Lake State Park
 http://www.shabbonalake.com/
Illinois Department of Natural Resources
 http://dnr.state.il.us/


Return to Homepage


Copyright
Jeff Goins
Illinois College
Jacksonville, IL 62650
Date last revised:  4/30/03